Breakfast Pirate

It's 2PM, and it's BREAKFAST TIME! (don't judge me, all you saints who actually 'contribute', 'work' or 'learn' - I'm just putting the hours I'm sleeping in my very own SLEEP BANK, and some day, all you sleepdeprived zombies will come crawling, begging me for some of my enormous amount of delicious, soothing and refreshing sleep)

My masterplan

But waking up at this time does NOT save me from the Morning Caveman, where your half naked, barely awaken body's only mean of communication is a series of grunts and throbbling sounds, and the only thing making you aware of the fact that you're awake, is that you haven't been eaten by a giant bat yet.

So basically, we're working on PURE INSTINCT here, and as we all know: your instincts make you able to do ANYTHING
But this is also your Predator Mode, and this allows you to enter the prey's habitat: The Kitchen. You do now have two choices - will you go for the meaty deliciousness of last day's leftovers (Humans are no more than simple scavengers after a good night's sleep) or bacon'n'eggs, or will you go for a dry feast from the cupboard, consisting of oatmeal and muesli?

There are, as always, Pros and Cons involved with both choices:
MEATY DELICIOUSNESS: Making bacon takes time, preparation and, worst of all, dishwashing. Dishwashing, however, is something you can do after your energy levels are up, and your efficiency is at its highest. This DOES require that you do it immediately after the feast, and as we all know, this is usually not the case. Those spots of fat sure can be hard to get rid of after a couple of weeks! A cost/benefit analysis is useless though, as it is ALWAYS worth it making bacon, but the thought of that aftermath can be exhausting before you even start.

DRY MUESLIMUNCHING: This is about as simple as it gets - get some oatmeal and some milk, fill up a cupand suddenly you've got yourself some breakfast - AMAZING! But every spoonful of muesli is basically like grabbing a handful out of a mixed candy bag; you will get things in your mouth that SUCK - so what to do? I usually go Breakfast Pirate Mode - dig for those treasures! A bag of muesli usually contains about 500 grams, but the specific amount of certain items is hard to tell. Usually, it's 250 grams oatmeal, 50 grams of nuts and raisins and 200 grams of utter crap (yes, these measurements are factual and applies to EVERY SINGLE KIND OF MUESLI), so you have to dig DEEP to get those lovely nuts - the nuts simply are like submarines in a sewer, making you able to actually get through those huge amounts of shit. Treasure hunting in a bag of muesli takes luck and patience, so there goes the time advantage - and that's basically the whole point of eating muesli, isn't it?

Morale: Make that delicious bacon you lazy caveman, the fast muesli isn't fast at all!

Free Books/Micone My Love

Went to the library today, and whoa! I was thrilled to be back! The atmosphere, the people, the tension, THE BOOKS! I mean, if they got some DJ's over, I bet it could be a great place to PARTY!


But you know what the best part is? They're FREE! I could just walk up to the counter and say "Hey, give me all your books" - and I wouldn't need neither a mask nor a gun! The only thing I'd need would be a really big bag, and everybody would be like "Awww, that man is taking all the books", and I would be all like "hey, which one do ya want?" - and suddenly, I am the library!


So in my excitement to be back, ran through the aisles while checking all these lovely XXXCITING BOOKS OUT, I felt like they were checking me out... were they wishing for me to pick them up? Is there a hireachy among books?

Are there cool books like "Basketball Diaries", rebellious books like "Catcher in the Rye" and experimental books like "Finnegans Wake"? And which one would be the popular group? I bet the loser group would consist entirely of autobiographies, but the popular? If you were a classic novel, like "1984", would you be cool? or just plain old'n'used? like yo MAMAhahahaahah nevermind

And what about genders? If books have genders, then how can you tell? I think that's the ONLY place you can actually judge a book by its cover:

Hardback? You've got yourself a Penisbook
Paperback? This is also routinely referred to as a "Vag-Back"
And as I was finally heading towards the exit with a handful of Penisbooks, I agreed with myself that the cool books were those being actually loaned and read - therefore, I decided I'd better boost some of the neglected book's confidence; those forgotten and the sufferes of the simpleminded prejudice that hit those who are judged simply by the title and few non-describing words by an unknown "critic"... I would loan the saddest book of them allm, and finally make it popular! And as my eyes wandered up and down, read titles and glanced at covers, they froze instantly as they saw the saddest book of them all... I present to you, the single most unpopular book in the Kingdom of books, the Land of the Library:

Dammit, it needed love, and I wanted to give some; it was a perfect match... and I strolled nonchalantly back towards the exit, swiped the loaner's card, and was ready to... WHAT!? Loaner Status: BLOCKED!?

Dammit, poor me, and poor books... yeah, I should've paid those fines for "not returning books on time", or, as I call it, "just giving them some more love", but damn... I think that poor "Microwave Cooking for One" actually wept a little when I had to take it back to its lonely, lonely bookshelf, with the entire library pointing and laughing... If I were disappointed, I suspect "Microwave Cooking for One" was suicidal; I hope you're still out there, MiCone, and if you read this, then stay put - I'll come for you, and I'll loan the shit out of you.