Free Books/Micone My Love

Went to the library today, and whoa! I was thrilled to be back! The atmosphere, the people, the tension, THE BOOKS! I mean, if they got some DJ's over, I bet it could be a great place to PARTY!


But you know what the best part is? They're FREE! I could just walk up to the counter and say "Hey, give me all your books" - and I wouldn't need neither a mask nor a gun! The only thing I'd need would be a really big bag, and everybody would be like "Awww, that man is taking all the books", and I would be all like "hey, which one do ya want?" - and suddenly, I am the library!


So in my excitement to be back, ran through the aisles while checking all these lovely XXXCITING BOOKS OUT, I felt like they were checking me out... were they wishing for me to pick them up? Is there a hireachy among books?

Are there cool books like "Basketball Diaries", rebellious books like "Catcher in the Rye" and experimental books like "Finnegans Wake"? And which one would be the popular group? I bet the loser group would consist entirely of autobiographies, but the popular? If you were a classic novel, like "1984", would you be cool? or just plain old'n'used? like yo MAMAhahahaahah nevermind

And what about genders? If books have genders, then how can you tell? I think that's the ONLY place you can actually judge a book by its cover:

Hardback? You've got yourself a Penisbook
Paperback? This is also routinely referred to as a "Vag-Back"
And as I was finally heading towards the exit with a handful of Penisbooks, I agreed with myself that the cool books were those being actually loaned and read - therefore, I decided I'd better boost some of the neglected book's confidence; those forgotten and the sufferes of the simpleminded prejudice that hit those who are judged simply by the title and few non-describing words by an unknown "critic"... I would loan the saddest book of them allm, and finally make it popular! And as my eyes wandered up and down, read titles and glanced at covers, they froze instantly as they saw the saddest book of them all... I present to you, the single most unpopular book in the Kingdom of books, the Land of the Library:

Dammit, it needed love, and I wanted to give some; it was a perfect match... and I strolled nonchalantly back towards the exit, swiped the loaner's card, and was ready to... WHAT!? Loaner Status: BLOCKED!?

Dammit, poor me, and poor books... yeah, I should've paid those fines for "not returning books on time", or, as I call it, "just giving them some more love", but damn... I think that poor "Microwave Cooking for One" actually wept a little when I had to take it back to its lonely, lonely bookshelf, with the entire library pointing and laughing... If I were disappointed, I suspect "Microwave Cooking for One" was suicidal; I hope you're still out there, MiCone, and if you read this, then stay put - I'll come for you, and I'll loan the shit out of you.