My Retarded Lips, and How They Will Affect My Acting/Music Career

First a disclaimer: my lips are not retarded, they're just controlled by a person who simply can't grasp the concept of whistling. You see, being capable of whistling is, to me, in the same league as being able to teleport, become invisible or control an entire league of super mutants while being in a wheelchair.

I wish I could whistle

But I don't have people teleporting themselves in front of me, basically saying "What do you mean you can't teleport!? I could teleport when I was 7!". Which makes me like people who can teleport a lot more than those who can whistle. Those Whistlers are rubbing their special ability in my face everytime they're happy, making me The Man With The Opposite Mood As Those Who Whistle:

I've learned to live with my disability, but for some reason I don't receive as much respect as, for example, a blind person. I think I would be considered an asshole if I started mocking the blind with his missing ability.

"What do you mean you can't see!? I started seeing when I was, like, 1 year old! Not the quick learner, are you?"

Yet this is what I get every time I perform my pathetic excuse of a whistle - it's more like if an astmathic smoker who has just had his tooth pulled out tried to yell - a loud, incomprehensible sound and spit everywhere.

And just how does this affect your acting/music career, Mim B? Well, I can't express happiness with whistling (goodbye to the Oscar!), and it's common knowledge that when you want to appear innocent, you whistle, and when I can't appear innocent, I will end up in jail. And how could I make music in jail? Everyone knows Akon is the only one capable of that... so basically I either want to be able to whistle, or become Akon. These are now my goals to pursue.

My goal