Breakfast Pirate

It's 2PM, and it's BREAKFAST TIME! (don't judge me, all you saints who actually 'contribute', 'work' or 'learn' - I'm just putting the hours I'm sleeping in my very own SLEEP BANK, and some day, all you sleepdeprived zombies will come crawling, begging me for some of my enormous amount of delicious, soothing and refreshing sleep)

My masterplan

But waking up at this time does NOT save me from the Morning Caveman, where your half naked, barely awaken body's only mean of communication is a series of grunts and throbbling sounds, and the only thing making you aware of the fact that you're awake, is that you haven't been eaten by a giant bat yet.

So basically, we're working on PURE INSTINCT here, and as we all know: your instincts make you able to do ANYTHING
But this is also your Predator Mode, and this allows you to enter the prey's habitat: The Kitchen. You do now have two choices - will you go for the meaty deliciousness of last day's leftovers (Humans are no more than simple scavengers after a good night's sleep) or bacon'n'eggs, or will you go for a dry feast from the cupboard, consisting of oatmeal and muesli?

There are, as always, Pros and Cons involved with both choices:
MEATY DELICIOUSNESS: Making bacon takes time, preparation and, worst of all, dishwashing. Dishwashing, however, is something you can do after your energy levels are up, and your efficiency is at its highest. This DOES require that you do it immediately after the feast, and as we all know, this is usually not the case. Those spots of fat sure can be hard to get rid of after a couple of weeks! A cost/benefit analysis is useless though, as it is ALWAYS worth it making bacon, but the thought of that aftermath can be exhausting before you even start.

DRY MUESLIMUNCHING: This is about as simple as it gets - get some oatmeal and some milk, fill up a cupand suddenly you've got yourself some breakfast - AMAZING! But every spoonful of muesli is basically like grabbing a handful out of a mixed candy bag; you will get things in your mouth that SUCK - so what to do? I usually go Breakfast Pirate Mode - dig for those treasures! A bag of muesli usually contains about 500 grams, but the specific amount of certain items is hard to tell. Usually, it's 250 grams oatmeal, 50 grams of nuts and raisins and 200 grams of utter crap (yes, these measurements are factual and applies to EVERY SINGLE KIND OF MUESLI), so you have to dig DEEP to get those lovely nuts - the nuts simply are like submarines in a sewer, making you able to actually get through those huge amounts of shit. Treasure hunting in a bag of muesli takes luck and patience, so there goes the time advantage - and that's basically the whole point of eating muesli, isn't it?

Morale: Make that delicious bacon you lazy caveman, the fast muesli isn't fast at all!